


The tale of the heartbroken angel

by coffeehatter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Guilt, destiel kind of, falling from grace, i promise this will have a happy ending somehow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-07
Updated: 2012-12-07
Packaged: 2017-11-20 13:31:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/585893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeehatter/pseuds/coffeehatter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They shoo him away, too caught up in being reunited, being free, the apocalypse being reduced to a bad memory. They shoo him away, they don’t call for him they don’t do anything to contact him, and why should they? After all he is not a human, he isn’t their family, in the end all he sacrificed hasn’t brought him close enough to them that they will love him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the tale of the heartbroken angel.

**Author's Note:**

> please bear with any mistakes i might have made, i am not very confident when it comes to my works.
> 
> I do not own supernatural, sadly so.

 

* * *

 

They shoo him away, too caught up in being reunited, being free, the apocalypse being reduced to a bad memory. They shoo him away, they don’t call for him they don’t do anything to contact him, and why  should they? After all he is not a human, he isn’t their family, in the end all he sacrificed hasn’t brought him close enough to them that they will love him.  
He looks at the sky, and he calls out again and again, to the only brother he can think off that might not smite him, or desert him, he calls out to Gabriel, because some strange feeling in his chest tells him he should call for Gabriel, he is alive, Castiel knows this, but he receives no answer, it seems that his brother doesn’t care either, he has no one left, nothing to fight for, no one to help, and it hurts, hurts because he gave up everything for everyone else and they cast him aside when he was not needed anymore, ignored him and forgot him as soon as the war was over.  
He doesn’t remember ever crying before, after all he have never truly known feelings have he? But now, now with his wings withering off his back, dark feathers falling around him, he himself falling from grace with no one to catch him, no one that cares enough to help him in his pained state, now he feels, feels as he breaks apart, desperate and hopeless.  
He stands here alone, for how long he has been here staring out over the ocean, dark clouds filling the sky, wind and rain blurring the line between the water and sky, silently crying, so hopeless and so sad that his remaining grace grows colder and colder, and he screams to the heavens, screams to the father who was the first to abandon him, screams because he can’t take this, he was never meant to feel, was he? It is tearing him apart.  
Death will do him no good, he would for eternity wander in purgatory, still heartbroken and in pain, but he can’t live on either, can’t live and cant die, so he begs for a miracle, begs to escape this, escape this existence that has become a plague, and his wish is granted, his remaining grace becomes like crystal, hard and cold and he just stands there as a coffin builds around him, makes him a pillar of clear hard grace, nothing will break this, and he will sleep here forever, nothing to harm him nothing to feel, suspended in a dreamless state. He is still crying as the crystal builds around him, in the end there will be nothing. This is the only comfort for the falling angel as he takes a last shaky breath and becomes cold.

In truth when he thinks about it took them way too long to realize that Castiel was gone, they were too caught up in the happiness of seeing each other again, too preoccupied with celebrating their victory that they forgot the angel who helped them so much, the angel who saved them, but when he realizes it is far too late, no matter how often he calls for the angel, no matter how much he prays Castiel never shows, and Dean knows, in his heart and in his bones that something is wrong, Castiel was falling, even after the war was won the angel must have continued to fall, and it hurt to think about the pain he must have been in, maybe still is in, and then have no one to help, because Dean was selfish, because he only had eyes for his brother and forgot about the angel, so Dean prays harder, he tries everything he can think off, tries to summon Castiel, he even tries the angels cellphone, but nothing works, there’s no answer. Sam too tries with all his heart to find the angel, he too is calling out, with prayers and his voice, but there’s no answer, no angel, and the brothers cry, silent tears they do not show, because they feel it in their souls, the regret the shame, that they drove the angel away.

He heard his brother call out to him, sensed his brothers pain, but he never answered, thinking "You have Dean and Sam now little brother, go talk to them", but the moment he felt the cold he knew he had made a mistake, he felt his brother’s sorrow and head his brother’s screams, felt his brother fade away, and he hurried to earth, to the first place he thought he would find his brother, but all Gabriel found was nothingness, darkness, so he searched, feeling after his brothers ever fading grace, but found nothing, he searched high and low but found no sign of his brother anywhere. So he returned to heaven, to search for his brother there, but here too he found no trace, no word of his brother, so he returned to earth, he returned to the Winchesters, to ask them about Castiel, but what met him was no answers, what met him was men as desperate as he, they knew nothing, they too were searching, so they joined forces, combing the earth for the slightest clue as to where the falling angel might be.


	2. crystal grace.

 

 

* * *

when they finally heard a whisper of strange sightings, of light that seemed trapped in glass and wind that truly sounded like cries, of a man trapped in glass, It was months after they started their search, not even with an Archangel by their side could they find Castiel, it wasn’t until they by chance found a tiny notion of a beach in an article, it was listed on a list of places on earth where people, who believe in the unnatural, but knows nothing about it, theorized that they had found something otherworldly, it wasn’t described very well, but Gabriel seemed to back away as he read on over Sam’s shoulder, as if what he was reading was hurting him. He disappeared without a word, leaving the brothers to worry, he left because despair was filling him and he had to know if this was truly the fate of his brother.

His feet made the withered grass under him turn to dust, but he had no care for the world around him, not when his eyes had fallen on what they had, his steps forward was shaking and timid, because he feared what he would see when he came close enough, not that he didn’t know what was waiting before him, not when the wind was truly howling the echo of his brothers screams to heaven.   
The surface was burning cold under his hands, but he couldn’t take them away, couldn’t do anything but stare at what was before him now, thru the glass clear crystal he could see him, see his brother, see the tears where they had frozen, see his brothers hands, lifted to cover his eyes, he couldn’t move, caught in his brothers sadness, he too felt frozen, frozen with guilt and sorrow. He clenched his hands to fists sliding down defeated before the glass coffin of his brothers, weakly hitting the crystal as he cried. he sat there until the night that had fallen was banished by the rising sun, then he returned to the Winchesters, returned to them only to bring them with him, so they too could see what had become of Castiel, the angel who sacrificed himself for the mistakes of others.      
   
The brothers don’t get to say a word, doesn’t get to shout at him, or ask him where he went to, they don’t get so say a thing, and in truth neither of them would have if they had the chance, because the Archangels face is contorted in pain and in sorrow when he returns, he grabs a hold of each of them as they comes to him and he takes them back to the beach, where the still rising sun is illuminating the crystal. It would be beautiful, but it breaks his heart, as he knows it will break the brothers’ hearts. They wander towards the crystal, marching like soldiers, but when they see him, when they get so close that they can feel the cold crystal their resolves break. Sam is staring blankly at the crystal, frozen to the spot much like Gabriel was when he saw this, but Dean is shaking, Dean is crying. It starts as a low chant of "no no no" but his voice grows in volume until he is shouting, hammering his fists on the crystal, not Sam nor Gabriel can calm him down, they can’t get close to him, they just watch him, they themself crying as Dean hits the cold surface until his hands bleed, screams until his voice is hoarse, the falls down before the crystal, shaking, pleading "please Cas, please" what he is begging for he might not even know himself, he just wants Cas, his Cas to wake up, to see him open his eyes, to hear him speak, to let Dean, to let them, apologize and make Castiel see how much he is loved, he begs for anything but this.

None of them move from the beach, none of them willing to leave, even as their individual needs makes themself known. Dean hasn’t taken his eyes of Castiel since he recovered enough to rise to his feet, he just stands there, hands pressed to the crystal, as if he hopes his warmth can melt it away, as if he hopes his touch will reach Castiel, but nothing happens, and still he stands there, staring at the tears on Castiel’s face. Sam sits and looks over the ocean, he listens to the wind as it carries the echo of Castiel’s voice to him, he can’t hear the words, but he feels them, feels the despair and the hopelessness, feels what Castiel felt as he gave up, and Sam feels his heart break into smaller pieces then he thought possible.   
Gabriel is staring at the sky, as if he wishes to stare down the creator who he knows could have helped Castiel, but who was the first to break him, stares at the sky as he thinks back at a time where things were better, before the first war, back when Castiel was created, a beckon of light and warmth, made of love and made to love, his beloved little brother, an angel who never could harm anything, only love everything, and Gabriel decides that Dean and Sam should know, should know of what happened to Castiel, they if any should know how God broke his own creation, how Castiel paid the ultimate price for the first war.


	3. The first heavenly war.

 

 

* * *

He calls them to him, his voice thick with sorrow. The brothers turn to him, their eyes strangely hollow, but after a while they wander over to him, and Gabriel thinks they look dead, he can see their souls, and know how fond Castiel was of Deans in particular, he remembers how he heard his brother, even in hiding as a pagan god he heard Castiel Call out, his voice so alive for the first time in thousands of years, heard his little brother call out that “Dean Winchester is saved” he remembers how he heard Castiel sing about the brightness of the soul he cradled in his hands. But now, now Dean’s soul seems dull, as if its light is blocked by the sorrow.  The brothers are staring at him they don’t speak, and Gabriel hadn’t expected them to, he just makes them sit down with him, and he begins talking, telling two humans what transpired in the time around their creation.

“you have to understand that Castiel wasn’t created as he was when you met him for the first time, when he was created he was much different, you see he was so bright, a being made with one thing to do, to love, and that he did, he brought a joy to all he met, he loved everyone, and we all loved him, because how could we not?, he was always so happy, so curious, so alive” here Gabriel had to pause, to look at the brothers, to look at Castiel. “He was made much like Lucifer, made to love, love with all his being and he did, I still remember a day where he and I was wandering on our fathers most treasured creation, Earth, and little Castiel saw a fish crawl up on land, and I told him not to step on that fish I told him that there was big plans for that fish. And he looked at me and back to the fish, kneeled down and kissed it, his blessing to the creation of humans, he didn’t know the plans, but he loved all things living and he knew he would love you, the things other angels were already calling mud-monkeys. But then it happened, Lucifer’s rebellion, the first war, brother turned on brother sister on sister, they killed and destroyed, and Castiel cried, because he loved them all, while they forgot about love.   
Lucifer came to him, I saw this myself, but I was fighting for my life against the angels that wanted to follow Lucifer so I couldn’t help Castiel, only hear as Lucifer told him that our father was wrong, that our father made them to love, but punished them for loving, I heard him tell Castiel to come with him, for his own good, but Castiel wouldn’t, because he loved his Fathers creations, he loved the humans as much as he loved all else. I was so proud of him, I thought that God would praise him, reward him for his loyalty, but how wrong I was. When the war was over and Lucifer had been trapped in the cage God came for Castiel, he took our brother away, and we didn’t think ill of it, Castiel had after all not done anything but love like he was created to. But then the crying began and I heard it, we heard it, felt it, our Father wanted to make sure that something like this would never happen again, so he had decided to take love away from Castiel, take it away to ensure that he didn’t become like Lucifer.  
Lucifer was right, Castiel should have fled, because God did not care for Castiel’s pleading, he told him to stop being selfish, that this was for the good of all and Castiel would have to understand this. When Castiel came back he was a shell, unable to love, unable to feel, he was as the dead, and I couldn’t bare it, as I watched him become a soldier, as I watched him become something he should have never been, and I shouted at our Father, I cursed the day he broke Castiel, and I ran away, I hid myself so far away that heaven couldn’t reach me, I hid where I couldn’t hear them or see them” Gabriel was crying, so much so that it made it hard for him to speak, and the Winchesters who had sat there quiet, shocked and horrified by Gabriel tale, moved closer to him offering the little comfort they knew how to give, patently waiting for him to calm down and finish his story. “I hid for so long, I was the trickster and I buried myself in fun, I tried to forget that I was ever the Archangel Gabriel, I didn’t want to remember heaven, didn’t want to remember the war, you two met me when I was still hiding like that and I knew that you were part of the divine plan so I messed with you, because I knew that you two existing meant that it was all starting over, that Lucifer was going to rise, that the war would be back. I hated you so much back then, but then I heard him, heard Castiel sing out that Dean Winchester is saved, and I heard love in his voice and when I met him again, by your side he wasn’t so dead as I remembered him, my little brother was loving again, even if he didn’t understand it himself, he was undoing what God himself had done to him, he was feeling.” The three of them sat there in silence after this, none of them able to speak, they sat there until the sun set again, first then did one of them speak again, Sam’s words were nothing more than a loud whisper “I know that none of us wants to leave, but what good are we doing sitting here doing nothing? We have to help him, there must be a way” his last words were pleading, because there had to be a way, there had been a way of stopping the end of the world, so surely there had to be a way to undo this, a way to save Castiel. The three of them came up with a plan, sitting there in the darkness of the night around them they made a plan, it was decided that they would take turns sitting by Castiel’s side, while the other two would search for a way to undo what had been done and save Castiel.            


	4. In the dark.

 

* * *

The first to sit guard by Castiel’s side is Dean, its Dean because not Sam nor Gabriel can get him to move, even when Gabriel tells him that he and Sam should start the research he just looks the Archangel in the eye and tells him no, so after talking back and forth, neither of them having the strength to really argue, Gabriel and Sam disappear off to start looking into things leaving Dean to stare at the unmoving angel.   
Dean stands in front of Castiel for what feels like hours, maybe it is hours Dean doesn’t know and doesn’t care, all that matters is Castiel. Dean tries talking to him, tries to say things he knows he should have said when Castiel wasn’t frozen, when Cas was with them, but the words get caught in his throat and he can’t say them, it hurts too much, so instead he does the only thing he can think off, something to calm himself, and because he faintly hopes Castiel will hear him, he sings.

Sam and Gabriel reach the motel the Winchesters was staying at in a blink of an eye, there’s two very cold cups of coffee standing on the table from when Gabriel came for them, and there’s some papers scattered over the floor, from where Dean nocked them down what now seems like years ago. Sam is tiered, he is exhausted, but he doesn’t want to sleep, they need to start the research, they need to find something. Gabriel is tiered too, but a plus of being an archangel is that he doesn’t need sleep, Sam on the other hand is human and he needs some hours of shut eye or he will end up sick, So Gabriel orders Sam to sleep, just for a little while, just until Gabriel returns with some books and some other stuff so they can start researching, and Sam argues that he should stay up, he should look things up on his laptop, he should do something, but in the end he complies and lies down, still fully dressed. He’s out like a light as soon as his head hits the pillow. Gabriel smiles at Sam, and then he leaves, zapping around the globe trying to find something that might help, he has heard of this before so surely there has to be something written down somewhere.  
when he returns he is almost empty handed, he has scoured the globe and has only found a total of three books, or rather two books and a scroll, the writing in all three is faded and nearly un readable, but they have to try.

The morning sun is rising over the horizon, casting a golden glow over the beach, casting its warmth over a man. Dean has not slept, he has not closed an eye, throughout the cold night he has stood guard over Castiel, throughout the night he has sung and talked, desperate in his wish to get thru to the angel, but to no avail, Castiel stands frozen still. Alone in the dark Dean has cried, alone by the sea he kept telling the angel how sorry he was, but he got no reply.  
Now in the golden light of morning he looks at the world anew, this world he helped save, this world that has no idea that was it not for two boys an angel and an old drunk there would be no morning, they have no idea what Castiel sacrificed for them all.

Gabriel stands beside him, his eyes are tiered, there’s no trace of the happy trickster he and Sam first got to know, no now he seems old, the sorrow in his eyes shows in his shoulders, in his stance, “you have to rest” Dean doesn’t reply, he just ready himself, when he open his eyes he is back at the motel, he feels sick, it might be the angelic transport, but he thinks it’s the guilt, it colours his world gray and blue, as if other colours fade from him. Sam is sitting with his computer, he look up when Dean appears and Dean sees sorrow in his eyes as well, sadness, but determination, because Sam was never one to give up, none of them ever were.   
“You should get some sleep” Dean does not protest, he lies down, he doesn’t bother with clothing or with shoes. The pillowcase feels soft under his cheek, his body feels heavy. Sleep is a blessing as it overtakes him and leaves him in dreamless darkness.


End file.
